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landrie
4 - Data Explorer
4 - Data Explorer
since ‎Oct 12, 2024
‎Oct 13, 2024

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About
I don't have a link to an article about my story. I'm not famous. I started my photography adventure with a Sony Cybershot and loved it. I couldn't believe you could take so many digital photos and edit and share them. I was hooked. Of course I was still walking around back then, clumsy as I've always been. I considered myself quite fit. My wife and I were regulars at the gym, weight lifting, treadmill, stairmaster, elliptical, and volleyball as much as we could. I've always loved volleyball, ping pong, softball, and anything else that came my way. It was volleyball that cost me my right hip. I never was the same. Neither was my cybershot. I got dust in the lens and I kept having to try to edit little dark globs out of my photos. So I got a dust proof, shock proof, water proof Pentax. It was rugged and fun with a rubberized casing around it. Jan didn't think it took very good photos and wanted me to get something better. I had the habit of trying to clear my throat all the time. My mother hated it. I noticed doctor's forms had a check box for it but I wasn't going there. We were getting ready to celebrate our tenth anniversary with a trip to Grand Cayman. I knew something was wrong with me but I didn't want it to spoil our trip. I had trouble after every dinner, I couldn't walk on the beach very far, and I was completely out of breath after one flight of stairs. I thought it was my heart. I told Jan towards the end of the trip. My primary doctor was right on it. She thought I was anemic and she was right. We hurried to make a GI appointment and they immediately scheduled an endoscopy. They didn't get very far with that scope before they found a large tumor blocking my esophagus. I'll never forget the look on Jan's face. She had lost her previous spouse to a horrible struggle with head and neck cancer. We met in grief group because I had lost my previous wife to a horrible struggle with ovarian cancer. I breezed through radiation and chemo, which allowed me to eat again. Now for the surgery I dreaded even thinking about. They were going to cut my stomach in half and then stretch half to make a new esophagus. I made it through surgery fine but then they screwed up my drugs and I started hallucinating and ripping out chest tube's and IVs. Ten days in the ICU and they almost lost me a time or two. I finally made it home and I was miserable. I sobbed, "I can't live like this.". I needed a psychiatrist fast. Got one, got drugs, survived. I couldn't stand eating and I was steadily losing weight. From just over 200lbs to down around 145lbs. Jan thought I was going to disappear. I finally found I could snack all day on calorie laden granola and quickly put on the weight. I got a Canon Powershot HX60. Wow, I was rolling now. I loved that camera. There was a problem with my legs. I'm so tired of trying to describe it. It's part nerve and part muscle. The nerves are painfully misfiring and feeling cold, wet, burning. The muscles in my thighs are constantly cramped up and practically non functional. I've been using a walker for quite awhile. Makes me feel older than I am. So, I end up with an ortho surgeon who fixed one of my lowest vertebra. That helped the low back pain and maybe slightly changed my leg pain. So, I was living on quite a bit of tramadol and feeling pretty worthless. One evening I tried to kill myself. I didn't realize that I was emotional support for Jan even in my altered state. I took all my blood pressure, tranquilizer, and pain drugs. It almost worked. My daughter did CPR on me till the medic arrived. Back in the ICU it took several days to get me stabilized. Jan came real close to honoring my living will, but a scan showed brain activity and I blurted out I want to go home. No more tramadol for me. Different psych drugs. I've got a med pump under my right rib that gets my pain down to a five or six. That's better than a seven or eight so I'll take it. My pain doctor thinks they damaged my spine when they did radiation on my esophagus. I got, as requested, a Canon Rebel T7 kit. It's forced me to use manual mode more to deal with three different lenses. But, I cheat and use my Samsung S23 phone. Sorry this was so much more about my physical and mental health than about the photography. I've had a lot of counseling and this group has been motivating and inspirational beyond words. Jan said, "Maybe you should try to get the group to discuss the mental/emotional side of their journeys?". I know each of us are at different stages of this special journey. I know that some of us are still grieving the sorrowful losses we suffer. Please feel free to talk about it. Private message each other and have a good cry. That's the main thing about this group. We're in it for each other.
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