Welcome to the community, @Ben_Einstein! Unfortunately what you want isn’t possible using a formula field. Formulas can only output numbers, dates, strings, or boolean values (true/false). They can’t create links.
On a related subject, links aren’t made to specific fields. The target of a link is always a record, and the displayed value in that link is the target record’s primary field contents.
SWITCH() function that you refer to allows you to switch the function output based on a single input (usually a field reference, but other options are allowed).
Could you describe what you’re trying to achieve in greater detail? There may be a way to pull it off, but just not using the methods that you currently know about. Then again, it might still be impossible, but it’s hard to say without more detail.